A Service of The Arrow           Friday February 4, 2000 11:34 AM

ARROW STAFF

Yes, sex fiends run rampant in the halls of Flathead High School. This brings new meaning to "Flathead Braves", as we must brave an Eyes Wide Shut scene every time we walk down the halls. I mean, it was an alright movie and all, but it should definitely stay in the theaters and out of the halls of Flathead High School. Sex in the movies is great, but seeing people half-naked and drooling all over each other in the halls of our school has another, rather disturbing effect on the stomach.

Public displays of affection are great. Holding hands, hugs and a quick peck show that you're not afraid to show your feelings in public. It shows that you're not afraid to let your peers and the rest of the school know that you really care about the person you're with. But being fearless and being tactless are two completely different things.

It's also an issue of the lack of respect being shown to fellow (and perhaps unattached) students. Take typical high school student, Bob, for instance. Every day after lunch, Bob walks up a flight of stairs to his locker. And every day the same couple is at the top of those stairs mackin' all over each other like the world is going to end when the next bell rings. Now, Bob admires the couple's persistence but it makes him awfully lonely to watch them clean each other, when he himself has no bath partner.

And then there's Al. Al is a Hollywood producer who is making a movie in the Flathead Valley. He's decided that for his G-rated children's movie Flathead High and its students would be perfect for the focus of the script.

Only one problem. Instead of being G-rated and innocent, the sex-crazed, slobber-covered people in our hallways are making Al's movie X-rated and not so very innocent, and the now remotely frightened school district is on the verge of losing a million-dollar Hollywood movie deal and a whole lot of valuable publicity.

So not only are the school's staffers and school-board members angry at the offending couples and uncensored grappling infesting our school, but some other students Flathead High are getting somewhat testy as well. After all, if Al's movie deal falls through, they may be missing a chance at stardom!

In the cases of lonely high school student Bob, and Hollywood movie producer Al, the answer to the problem of fearless sexual contact is very clear:

Keep our school G-rated and sex out of our hallways.

• aleda johnson

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