It’s a Sunday afternoon, and for lack of anything better to do you turn on the tube to see what quality viewing you can witness. You turn to Channel 2 and “Revenge of the Killer Amazon Chickens from Pluto,” is being presented. Curious, you sit and watch the program in silence for a few minutes until a monster emerges donning platform shoes. “Hey look, it’s one of the BeeGees!” a voice says. If you have ever experienced anything like the above, you’re not alone. Best Brains Productions has taken humor like this to a new level, in a TV show called Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K to it’s fans. Since the mid-1980s, MST3K has wise-cracked its way to success. The story behind this masterpiece has a human (Joel Robinson) sent onto a space station where he must watch the world’s worst movies. Joel then builds robot friends — Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo — to keep him company. MST3K has developed a cult following. Nine years of TV, numerous websites, and even a motion picture — showcasing the movie “This Island Earth” — have sprung from what started as a light-night program on public access TV in Minnesota. Listed below are some of the all-time greatest movies ever shown on MST3K. 5. “Agent for HARM,” a cheap James Bond takeoff from the 1970s. Secret agent Adam Chance, played by Mark Richmond, spends the entire movie wearing a cheap cardigan sweater and beating bad guys by electrocuting them with television sets. Throw in a villain who looks like Prince and a babe who tries to kill the hero (with a bow and arrow) and have an affair with him at the same time and you have “Agent for HARM.” As MST3K’s producers proclaim, “It’s James Bond, without the exotic locales, beautiful women and eye-catching special effects.”Best line:”So I guess HARM stands for “Hot And Ready Man?” — Tom Servo 4. “The Pod People.” A bad horror movie where a sleazy rock band is killed off one by one by cheap aliens that look like the result of an affair between Snuffalufagus and Rhea Perlman. One of the aliens is then raised by a small boy. The boy calls the alien “Trumpy.” As Dr. Forrester proclaims, “This movie has nothing to do with Pods, nothing to do with people and everything to do with pain.”Best line: Movie: “Why are you doing this, Trumpy?” “It’s called evil, kid,” — Tom Servo 3. “Mitchell.” Joe Don Baker at his worst. Baker plays a drunken, dim-witted, homicidal cop trapped in an international drug ring. This movie has it all: random shooting, prostitution, excessive drinking, and a lack of plot.Best line: Movie: “How do you take your scotch, Mitchell?” Crow: “By the quart.” 2. “Riding with Death.” A terrible 1970s creation starring the incredibly annoying Ben Murphy. The plot focuses on a secret government organization called “INTERSECT.” Murphy must transport a volatile fuel across the country. Murphy has the ability to turn invisible with the use of a wrist watch. Best line: “INTERSECT, making lines meet for over 50 years,” — Servo 1. “The Cave Dwellers.” An awful movie about the middle-ages. “Ator,” played by Miles O’Keefe, travels to rescue a captured sorcerer. Along the way, he frees his long-lost people, kills a mime, builds a glider, and causes a nuclear explosion. Confused yet? So were the screenwriters.Best line: Joel: “How much Keefe?”Crow and Servo: “Miles O’Keefe.” “Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie.” Dr. Forrester, the villian, sends the crew to “This Island Earth,” as MST3K hits the big screen. A group of aliens captures an Earth scientist to try to “cure” their dying world. Best Line: Movie: “You know what my wife could really use around the house?” “A man?” — Crow |
