Forgiveness is tough, but it’s worth it in the long run

By Kelsey Sullivan

It’s a seemingly normal morning at school. Small groups are scattered across the foyer, waiting for the bell. In a fleeting moment, a student enters the foyer, approaches a group and takes out a gun. The student fires without warning — and keeps firing. When the carnage has ended, eight are wounded — three of those dead. The student is in custody and a school, a community — and a nation —are in shock.

Unfortunately, this story, in another school and state, is true. The tragedy of 14-year-old Michael Carneal’s murder spree has left the U.S. searching for answers about increasing teen violence and a society that can create such monstrous ills. But through this tragedy, an example can be found and learned. Most on-lookers would look at Carneal with a mix of wonder and rage, perhaps even pity. But forgive him? After the harm he caused, many would find that impossible. But those closest to the victims are doing just that — forgiving. We should take this example of merciful forgiveness into our everyday lives.

Forgiveness is hard. Forgiving someone who has done you wrong may seem like that wrong is being overlooked. But forgiving someone does not minimize the wrong; it can actually expose the wrong exactly for what it is and offer a solution and an end to the conflict. Forgiving someone does not eliminate the right to see the wrong punished. Michael Carneal will still be tried and punished for his actions, despite the forgiveness he has received and will continue receiving from the family and friends of his victims.

Forgiveness offers relief to the forgiver. Not only can it repair a broken relationship or problem, but it can help end the anger and resentment felt inside when wronged. This anger is like a seed and when it is allowed to grow, it can produce fruits of bitterness and can overgrow until it spread to every part of our lives. Forgiveness kills this seed of anger and instead plants roots of love and strength that can be used in any situation. Forgiveness also stops the need for revenge, which can also consume a person until they too do something wrong.

Imagine you were Carneal and had realized how wrong it was to murder those girls and how much their families were hurting. Most likely, this realization would cause painful guilt. And just as revenge can eat someone up inside, guilt has the possibility to do this also. Relieving this guilt of the wrongdoer does not mean that he or she will feel free to do wrong again. Forgiveness can allow them to realize their wrongs and want to change them. They will also see how beneficial forgiveness is and the next time they are wronged, use it themselves.

Forgiveness may not completely reconcile a damaged relationship. But genuine forgiveness does erase the debt that the offender owes to the forgiver, easing the pain and helping to smooth the bumpy road of conflict. We can also use forgiveness on ourselves. By forgiving ourselves of guilt we may feel, stress can be relieved on ourselves. By forgiving ourselves of guilt we may feel, stress can be relieved and we can be ready to face the problem, knowing we have already made the first.

So, your friend stabbed you in your back. Yes, it hurts and makes you angry. You do have the right to question the friendship. But you also have the power to forgive. If friends and families of three young murdered girls in Paducah, Kent. can find the power to forgive, we can all do the same in any instance.