As I race to school in the morning, undoubtedly late and forced to park approximately 2.3 miles away, I glance down at something passing beneath my feet. A small spot in my path has caught my attention. I keep running, but once again, I have to dodge another accumulation. And another. And when I pass the auto mechanics building, there are numerous collections. I shudder and continue. The best way to avoid these gifts is to watch your step. They are spit.
Camels, llamas and snakes use their spit as protection. The rest of the population must have figured out some way to dispose of excess saliva. As humans, we have developed some control over their bodily functions, such as not drooling all over ourselves and using the bathroom, but some of us seem to feel a need to expel our slobber.
I've noticed that God doesn't seem to put unnecessary fluids in our body. Blood, gastric juices, bile; they are all essential to our existence. Once something is made in the body, it generally needs to stay in the body. Saliva's purpose is to moisten the mucous membranes of the mouth, provide digestive enzyme that begin the digestion of food, help the taste buds taste food, keep the mouth moist for speaking, cleanse the mouth of carbohydrates that aid in tooth decay, play a role in controlling thirst and neutralize acids and bases that enter the mouth.
I have come to the realization that not only do boys spit, they take pride in it. Accuracy distance and size all play a role in measuring ejecting skill. They have also developed several kinds of spit, each with its own qualities. The most popular chucking of spit is what I like to call the foamy starbust. It can be produced at any time and, though lightweight, can be of considerable sharpness when choosing a landing position. It also retains its foamy quality for quite some time, until someone like me steps on it on her way to school. Next, the most common spit is the classic lugi. It is usually used in the context of "hocking a lugi." It provides for very clean shape and definition, usually with a bit of color. It is almost always accompanied with that charming noise from the back of the throat and nose that sounds a lot like "huuuuugunocttt" with a fluctuation in tone going from a higher pitch to a deep, guttural sound, then back up to high again. A less common style is that of a farmer, where the spit is projected through the teeth with the tongue. This works best if you have a large gap between your front teeth, or better yet, are missing a front tooth entirely. The cheeks puff out and the tongue is rolled for maximum effectiveness.
The less experienced spitter sometimes has what is called a stringy hanger. This occurs when the person spits toward the ground but the saliva hangs on. It swings around off of a person's chin until the person uses a hand or some other object to dislodge it. I'm sure that when boys see such an event, they whisper in their minds, "Amateur!"
The most repulsive spit is that of someone who chews. These boys seem to be the most disrespectful with their placement, whether out of spite or pure necessity. They will spit anywhere, including into a drinking fountain. There is nothing worse than bending down to get a drink of water and coming face-to-face with a dig wad. I doubt if boys really consider this rude, but rather like they are leaving a present for the next person who comes along.
The only kind of spit of which I approve is that of a runner. I was at a cross country meet one chilly day and I made the remark as I puled out a Kleenex, "Gee I wonder how those runners keep their noses from running?" My mother gave me the hesitant answer, "They have other ways of getting rid of it." In any ordinary situation, I would have been extremely grossed out, but I made the conscious decision that anyone who can run that far should have the right to spit whenever, and wherever, they need to.
Spitting is disrespectful, unrefined and basically tacky. I can think of very few employers who would hire someone that hocked a lugi on the ground during an interview. Maybe rather than ask boys to stop spitting, I can ask them to stop spitting in my path. At least aim for a garbage can or the grass.