(Editors' note: If you don't know the plot to "Star Wars." please bludgeon yourself to death - or read on.) Allow me to reminisce a bit. It was the time when marshmallow Krispies made the ideal dietary complement to watching the newest episode of Scooby Doo. When pajamas with little scuffy-pads at the bottom of your feet offered the perfect opportunity to really whip across the kitchen linoleum. And your true hero was a stud in a galaxy of his own, a man named named Han Solo. This swashbuckling space hero became the first true hero of our generation.
"Star Wars," the first in a series of three movies that defined that late '70s-early-'80s term "rad," returns to the big screen TONIGHT!! It's bigger, louder, and badder than ever. And because none of us actually saw it in theaters (unless mommy toted us there in our baby-buggies), our generation's destiny must be fulfilled. You, me - all of us - must re-live the greatest cultural phenomenon of our era. You can't miss this film. Tonight, tomorrow, next week - it doesn't matter when. GO!!
The '70s are back, so don your butterfly collars and get into that theater.
For "Star Wars," I offer tribute to Han Solo. Don't think I'm not giving Luke Skywalker his due credit, but in "Star Wars," he was a pudgy little kid who didn't know an Imperial Star Destroyer from his Land Speeder. It takes three movies for Luke Skywalker to grow from a kid who can't stand up to his uncle, to a jedi knight who brings down the Emperor of the Galactic Empire. His tribute comes in my "Return of the Jedi" review.
For now, the man at hand, Han Solo, gets his tribute for simply being the space pirate from hell. As we first step into Han's world on Tatooine's spaceport, he has already wrestled with the Empire, and Tatooine's vile mobster, Jabba the Hut. He and his Wookie sidekick Chewbacca have the smuggling skill to outdistance the baddest Imperial Star Destroyer - and masses of bounty hunters - with a little help from the Millennium Falcon, the "fastest hunka junk in the Galaxy." Without Han Solo, Harrison Ford might never have had the clout to play Indiana Jones.
Ah, Han Solo - there is no better image for manly spacegoing marauding and no better addition to the Rebellion.
For those black sheep of our generation who have not even seen the films, take heart, there's hope for your redemption. You have thumbed your nose at your generation long enough - join the addicted masses of us who allowed "Star Wars" to rule our lives, souls and pocketbooks. Join the masses who hang on every word and action of some of the greatest characters of our time.
Meet your favorite pre-teen heroes again: Luke, Han, Darth Vader (the baddest villain of all time), Princess Leia, Chewbacca, Wedge Antilles and Obi Wan Kenobi. Or maybe, meet them for the first time.
"Star Wars," the third highest-grossing film of all time, is hyperspacing the disco era back into our theaters.
In 1977, you may have been too busy drooling to appreciate an epic - but now you can drool with appreciation.