I've seen far too many friends burned by crumbling relationships this year. Why? Too many of us ruin our relationships by losing focus. We forget why the relationship started in the first place, lose that passionate edge so vital to healthy relationships, and this only leads to serious heartache.
High schoolers in particular face this social problem. It is not a timely event, and not nearly as important to the country as Bill Clinton's legal problems, but to us lowly 15- to 18-year-olds in Kalispell, Montana, it is FAR more important than national politics. Since everybody faces relationships in the future, trying to understand them - why they begin, why they end - can only help us understand them and their pitfalls.
Our young minds (and hormones) strive for companionship. All too easily, we find ourselves hopelessly in love with someone who promises companionship, love, and maybe a little passion. However it happens, you find the "right" person, and think you have made the right and mature decision. You look upon the face of your mate with the wonderful satisfaction that you love them, and they love you just as much - possibly even more.
Sound nice? What if I told you that the person you love might not love you quite like you think? What if they are hurting, don't want the relationship, and don't have the guts to tell you? What if they are treating you badly, and you don't know why? It could be that the passionate edge has died, and that the reason the relationship started in the first place is something that can't be recaptured.
If this is you, whether you are on the giving or receiving end, get out of your relationship as soon as possible. Nothing will be more painful than to continue on in a relationship if you are not loved, or not able to give love.
Serious relationships only work if both people love each other equally. Love is not a one-way street. The expectation of giving your love to someone is that you will be loved back. This makes true love what it is. And when you don't get enough back, a relationship becomes a simple, junior-high-style crush. And we all know that junior-high-style crushes are definitely not healthy. They are not mature. Junior-high-style crushes end in heartache.
Learn from previous mistakes. Evaluate the stakes, and don't risk your heart on something that seems destined not to work.
It is dangerous to give your love with no return on your investment. It is more dangerous to use someone who really loves you, when you don't share his or her feelings. It hurts to be the victim, but it also hurts to be the jerk who isn't honest with his partner, and isn't honest with himself.
Trying to understand mature relationships is one of the last great thresholds to adulthood.
High school is a time to learn not only book-smarts, but life's necessary social skills. If you fail there, your love life could face a serious rut 10, 20 or 30 years down the road.
Learn to avoid being burned now, and you can avoid it in the future, too.
After all, if you aren't happy, neither is your partner.