Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you a man vindicated by the country's desire for change and a brighter America. I have now the plans, the tools, and the talent to build my bridge to the Twenty-First Century. I can build it with no worries. In fact, it's essentially done, but I now have to get people to cross it. I need the most courageous and vivacious people in the world, so I have asked you to venture onto it with me.
When we get across, we will have to make some changes. The land of 2000 is not one for the faint-hearted. One of the major obstacles that we members of the older generation must overcome there is the realization that our youth are our future. Schools can no longer teach only by book, they must have access to and use the most advanced technology available. Teachers will have to get rid of the "It was good enough for me, so it's good enough for them" mentality. They will also be forced to be the greatest teachers in the world when I make the standards for attaining tenure much greater. No longer will an educator be able to waive their self-righteous runaround without the worry of consequence.
We must throw off the reigns of special interests and party agendas in order to better serve the people. In case many of the representatives and senators don't remember, we are in office to uphold the honor of the nation, and scandals like those brought up this year will not be tolerated in the future. Whenever a high ranking congressman pleads guilty to a crime, he will not even have the opportunity to run for speaker. All of us here in Washington, D.C., have to realize that most of the country is bipartisan, and many could care less whether or not I, Bill Clinton, was a Democrat or Republican.
I promise, as your president, to call an end to the federal government pushing a rating system on TV programs, because I feel that parents have a responsibility to raise their kids with their presence and not with the television. Federal censorship mandates are often perceived as an alleviation of this responsibility and are often detrimental rather than helpful.
The land of 2000 is one of fields of gold as well as mountains of opportunity. With the help of well-educated youth, a Congress that will actually listen to the people rather than to money, and the responsibility of the American people, I feel that we will make a smooth and easy transition. By the time you get there, I will no longer be able to be your leader, but don't worry. Another will take my place. Just wait until you see President Gore.