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The
Rules to surviving a horror movie
- When it appears that you have killed the
monster or mad killer, never check to see if they’re dead. They like to play dead to
toy with their intended victims.
- Do not search the basement, especially if the
power has "accidentally" gone out. You should avoid subterranean caverns, sheds
of any sort, attics, and any venue where Spice Girls look-a-likes (or the real ones) are
playing. Whatever is there, you don’t need to know.
- Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or
anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead. You never know
what might happen.
- If your companion suddenly starts exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior, such as
hissing, a fascination with blood, glowing, or increasing hairiness, get away as fast as
humanly possible. That is run, unless you know they think you’re a hottie and
can’t help themselves.
- Stay away from certain geographical locations, such as Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, Crystal Lake, or any small town in Maine. Also, keep
away from "abandoned" space stations because they’re never really
abandoned.
- If your car runs out of gas at night do not run to the nearby deserted-looking
house to phone for help. You’d be safer swimming through shark-infested waters
wearing a chum suit.
- Do not run up the stairs if you suddenly find yourself being chased by a monster,
goblin, zombie, vampire, or any other bad guys. Go out the door.
- Don’t stop, turn around, or look for the crazy guy with the ax. Trust us, he
is always nearby, even if you can’t see him.
- One last helpful hint: beware of strangers bearing tools, such as chain saws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane
torches, smoldering irons, or band saws. Why ask for trouble?
The top five horror movies ever made
5. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
4. Halloween (1978)
3. Carrie (1976)
2. Psycho (1960)
1. Frankenstein (1931)
Steve Symington, 12, on what he did this Halloween: "I did homework. I
had a very dull Halloween. It was bad that it landed on a school day this year."
Bryce Jahner, 10, on his Halloween: "I sat at home and didn’t do
anything...I ate my sister’s candy"
Shandra Mathwig, 10, on her Oct. 31 this year: "I went
trick-or-treating with my friend...we both dressed up."
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